We Are Our Memories
by xLucidSky
Summary: As a massive Hollow attack happens on the outskirts of Sereniti, Squad 11 is sent out to rid the Hollows. But when the two most important people in Kenpachi's life are dangerously wounded, what will he do? Sequel to "New to the 11th" KenpachiXOC
1. Accident

"Now go!"

Head Captain Yamamoto's hard voice echoed out from the Hell butterfly. Kenpachi had a wild smile cross his face, then looked to his love. Toshiko smiled the same and her Reiastu went up a bit. Yachiru positioned herself on Kenpachi shoulder.

"Let's go Ken-chan!" she exclaimed. Then, joined by Ikkaku and Yumichika, they set out, smiling happily. They were only fighting Hollows after all.

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><p>"Damn, there sure are a lot!" Ikkaku yelled out as he killed another Hollow. Kenpachi sliced through 10 more before landing on the ground. When they arrived the Hollow's numbers seemed overwhelming. But sure enough, Squad 11 reduced the numbers quickly, all while having a good time. Kenpachi cut through the last Hollow effortlessly. He landed and sighed.<p>

"I wish it lasted longer. They were all weaklings, but it's still a good time." he murmured. He surveyed the surroundings. They were in a field right outside of Seireniti. It had been so urgent because the hollows kept coming and they were starting to take down the men and women outside who guarded.

The only sounds were a bird chirping, the sheathing of a sword and Ikkaku's lazy yawn. He was suddenly alerted by a gigantic jump in abnormal pressure. As he looked to try and find what was causing it he heard a shrill scream. A huge Hollow loomed over Yachiru, bellowing as it closed in.

"Yachiru!" he yelled, re-unsheathing his Zanpaktou. Then, Toshiko yelled out as she charged at the Hollow. As she tried to cut it's head, it grabbed her Zanpaktou in mid air. It growled and one of it's arms went out and struck her away. She screamed as she hit tree after tree and finally stopped when she crashed into a huge boulder.

Her body contorted with pain as blood splattered out of her mouth. The Hollow had picked up Yachiru and she was being shaken violently, hitting the path of whatever stood there. Kenpachi ran up and cut off its arm, catching Yachiru safely. Yumichika and Ikkaku finished off the monster. He brushed back her hair to see a large cut across her forehead.

"Ken-chan..." Yachiru muttered.

"Yachiru.." Kenpachi didn't know what to say to her.

"..help Shiko-chan..." she said before passing out. Kenpachi nodded and laid her down on the grass. Yumichika and Ikkaku came and stood by her. Kenpachi ran past the trees, following the path her flying body had made. He came upon her laying crumpled in front of the rock. Her body had indented it and it was nearly split in two. He kneeled down and picked her up. Blood trickled down the side of her mouth and she was barely breathing

"Toshiko.." Kenpachi was shaking with anger. He wanted to find that Hollow again and kill as many times he found needed. He suddenly heard her groan. He looked at her, worried.

"Kenpachi..." she whispered. Her eyes opened to slits and she put her hand up to his scarred cheek. He put his hand against hers.

"I'm sorry..." Her hand slid off his face and onto her stomach. Kenpachi bit his lip to hold in a roar of anger. He held her closer and ran back to the main field where Yachiru, Ikkaku and Yumichika were. Yumichika was pacing back and forth waiting for Kenpachi to come back. As he came into sight Yumichika looked up to him.

"Taicho, Ikkaku went to get Squad 4 members!" he called. Kenpachi nodded and brought Toshiko next to Yachiru. He laid her on the grass and then kneeled down. He looked to his love, then to his daughter.

_I'm sorry... Yachiru... Toshiko...I'm so sorry..._


	2. What if?

_Hi everyone! I meant to upload this story a loooong time ago, but my computer was broken. Now it's fixed and I'll be putting out the stories! I need to give thanks to Sairey13. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to write this. Please read her stories, they're really good! If you haven't read "New to the 11th", please read it so this story can make more sense. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and please review! Now, to the story!_

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><p><em>Tick..Tick..Tick...<em>

The clock ticked by ever so slowly and Kenpachi was on his last nerve. Unohana had said that she would set them up and tend to them as fast as possible. But why was it taking so long? Kenpachi breathed in, ready to scream. Suddenly the doors opened and he shot up, the breath escaping silently.

"Well?" he asked. She wasn't smiling, just frowning grimly. Kenpachi tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Unohana wouldn't say anything.

_They__ can't__ be...no..._

"They're alive." she finally said. Kenpachi breathed out in relief.

"C-Can I see t-them?" he forced out. He wanted to punch someone, scream, and die all at once. Unohana nodded and led him into the large room. His eyes met they sight that is his daughter and his love. Yachiru had bandages around her head and was wrapped tightly in blankets. She had an IV attached to her and from her hand to her shoulder was wrapped up. Kenpachi wanted to shut his eyes and pray it was a dream. He looked to Toshiko. Her body was in much worse shape. She had a breathing mask on, but was still breathing fast and shallow. One of her arms was in a sling. Half of her face had bandages. A brace was around her 's knees wobbled. He felt like he was on the verge of tears. Unohana looked over them.

"Toshiko-san was hurt physically,while we think that Yachiru-chan was hurt more mentally." she told him.

"What do you mean?" Kenpachi asked.

"Well, she couldn't remember anything. She didn't know who we were, and didn't know who she was. So, she has received amnesia, is what I'm saying." she replied sadly. Kenpachi found he could no longer support himself. He leaned against the wall. His eyes met Unohana's.

"So, she'll never remember us?"he asked in disbelief. Unohana shook her head.

"She has a chance at regaining her memories. But, it's very slim." she said gravely. Kenpachi clenched his teeth and drew back his fist, ready to punch the wall. Then he stopped when he heard a groan. He looked back and saw Toshiko moving. He stumbled to the side of her bed. She looked up at him and pulled the breathing mask from her mouth.

"I love you, Kenpachi." she whispered. He brushed her bangs of her forehead. It felt like she had a fever going.

"Why you using your energy to tell me that?" he asked her. She smiled weakly.

"Because this could be the last time I can.." she replied, her voice pattering off. She lost her grip on the mask as her eyes hand fell to her side. Unohana placed the mask back on her mouth and laid a cool cloth across her forehead. Kenpachi stepped back from the bed. He clenched his fists in anger. He was going to kill someone. Then, Isane opened the door quietly. Unohana walked over and took the papers that she had. She smiled. Kenpachi became a little bit hopeful.

"Yachiru's injuries aren't as bad as I thought. She can probably go home in a few days." she told him. He nodded.

_She__ didn't __say __anything __about __Toshiko..._

"What about Toshiko?" he asked. She became grim when she switched papers.

"She's another story." she replied. Kenpachi's nails dug into his palm and his knuckles became white.

"Why is that?" he managed to say.

"Her injuries go inside her body."

"How bad?" Unohana shook her head.

"Collapsed right lung, broken ribs and internal bleeding are the least of our concerns at the time." she said sadly. Kenpachi looked her in the eye.

"Will she die?" he asked. Unohana looked down.

"I don't know."

His legs gave out. He slumped against the wall, broken at the thought of losing Toshiko. He had never been able to tell anyone his true feelings before. She had made his scarred heart new. She was the one who made him complete. If he lost her, he wouldn't be able to move forward. He would not be able to live.

_Toshiko,__ please__ make it__ through__ this...__I__ can't__ live__ without__ you..._


	3. I can't remeber you

"Nnn" Yachiru groaned cutely as she sat up. She rubbed her eyes.

"Where am I?" she asked herself. She gave the room a little survey. It was a normal room that you would see in a medical ward. She looked to the other side of her bed, and saw a tall, scarred man. His eye was closed. Was he sleeping? He was wearing an eyepatch and bells were attached to the spikes that were his hair. She gasped noisily at the sight and his eye fluttered open.

"W-Who are you?" she asked the man. Kenpachi swallowed. He was crushed by the fact that she couldn't remember him. He looked at her and smiled despite the fact.

"I'm Kenpachi." he told her. She nodded.

"Why are you in here?" she questioned. He sighed.

"Well, I'm here because I need to watch you." She cocked her head to the side.

"Why?"

"Because I need to make sure you're okay."

"Why?"

"You got hurt in a fight. You've been asleep for a few days and I need to make sure you're okay." he told her again.

"What hurt me? Did you save me?" she asked Kenpachi sighed.

"A big monster called a Hollow hurt you. And I wasn't the only one who saved you.." he replied, his voice trailing off at the thought of Toshiko.

She put hand to her cheek and looked down. She looked at him again.

"Are you my Daddy?" she asked. Kenpachi was a little surprised that she say something like that already.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"You seem like you're my Daddy. You waited for me to wake up and you said you saved me. That's what Dad's do." she told him. The door to the room opened. Unohana stepped inside, smiling.

"It's you! I saw you before!" Yachiru exclaimed. Unohana laughed.

"That's correct. Do you remember what I told you you're name was?" Unohana asked. Yachiru thought for a moment. She shook her head.

"No, I forgot. But, it starts with a Y, right?" Yachiru asked hopefully. Kenpachi smiled.

"That's right. Do you want to know what it again?" Unohana asked. Yachiru nodded happily. Unohana looked at Kenpachi, letting him tell her.

"Your name's Yachiru." Kenpachi told her.

"Did you name me?" Yachiru asked. Kenpachi nodded at her. She yawned and closed her eyes. They stayed closed for a few seconds. They suddenly popped open, wide and surprised. Kenpachi breathed in, hoping she remembered him or someone.

"I know what a Hollow is! They're really, really ugly!" she exclaimed, twisting her face in adorable disgust. Kenpachi burst out laughing and Unohana smiled.

"It seems you're remembering some of what happened in the past." Unohana told her. She nodded happily. Her smile slowly left her face.

"What's wrong, Yachiru?" Kenpachi asked. She looked at him. Her mouth quivered slightly.

"I remembered being grabbed by the Hollow. And a girl with brown hair tried to cut the Hollow with her sword. But, it caught her and she got thrown." she told him. He looked into Yachiru's eyes. They were worried and happy all at once. He got up and hugged her. Yachiru looked at him.

"Is she okay?" she asked. Kenpachi looked at Unohana. She nodded back at him. Kenpachi picked her up and put the small blanket around her.

"C'mon Yachiru, we'll go see her."


	4. Change

_Hey everyone! I'm back with the next chapter. I hope you're all enjoying the story so far and if it doesn't make the most sense, try reading "New to the 11th". It will help this make sense. Please review all your thoughts, as it will help with my story writing. Now, to the chapter!_

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><p>"The Hollow did that?" Yachiru asked. Kenpachi had brought Yachiru to see Toshiko. They had been put into separate rooms during the past few days, so this would've been the first time that Yachiru had seen her.<p>

"Yeah..." Kenpachi replied quietly. He didn't want her to cry so he tried not to give too many details out. Toshiko was unconscious at the moment, so Yachiru couldn't say anything to her that she would hear. Yachiru looked at Kenpachi.

"Is she gonna wake up?" Yachiru asked, worried. Kenpachi looked at Toshiko, then back to Yachiru.

"I don't know..." he whispered. Then she stirred. She groaned and looked to Kenpachi and Yachiru. She smiled weakly.

"Hello, Yachiru." she said as Kenpachi brought her closer and set down on the bed. She looked up at Kenpachi and he smiled at her. Yachiru watched as Kenpachi swept back her bangs and laid a kiss on her forehead. Yachiru suddenly smiled hugely.

"You're my Mommy, right?" she asked. Toshiko's eyes widened and she laughed, as much as she could with a collapsed lung.

"Do you want me to be your Mommy?" Toshiko asked playfully. Yachiru nodded.

"I have the prettiest Mommy ever!" Yachiru exclaimed. Toshiko started to laugh, but was cut of by a raging cough. She grabbed a cloth that laid next to her and coughed violently. As she laid back, worn from a single cough, Kenpachi saw what stained the fabric. A large, red blood spot was in the middle of it.

_That's __right, __Restu__ said__ she__ was__ bleeding __inside..._

Kenpachi swept back her bangs again and pulled the blankets up to right under her chin.

"I'm fine.." she started.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be coughing up blood, let alone being at the 4th Squad's barracks." he told her. She sighed and looked up at him. Suddenly they heard a sniffle. Yachiru sat there, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.

"Is it my fault? Is it my fault that you got hurt?" Yachiru managed to say. Toshiko wiped Yachiru's eyes.

"It wasn't your fault. The Hollow was mean and hurt us." Toshiko told her. Yachiru sniffed and crawled closer to Toshiko. She laid down and was brought into a warm embrace when Toshiko's arms wrapped around her. Yachiru nuzzled into her and smiled. Kenpachi put her small blanket around her, then sat down in a chair next to the and Unohana walked into the room. Isane was checking on Toshiko and Unohana was getting Yachiru and Kenpachi so that Yachiru could rest. The scene they found was sweet. Toshiko lay under blankets, holding a covered Yachiru close and singing a song about Sakura petals quietly. Kenpachi sat next to them, eyes closed, a small smile on his face. Unohana knocked on the door frame. Kenpachi looked over and Toshiko stopped singing.

"Zaraki taicho, you should bring Yachiru-chan back to her room." He sighed and stood up. He picked up a now sleeping Yachiru and kissed his love goodbye. She waved as he walked away, then went along with Isane's check of her. He walked into the hall with Unohana following. She was smiling to herself and Kenpachi laughed quietly at her.

"What are you smiling about?" he questioned. She looked at him.

"I never told you about the new results, did I?" she asked.

"Nope." he replied.

"It seem when Toshiko has someone around her, she is more stable and heals faster." she told him.

"So, to have her heal as fast as possible, she needs someone with her?" he confirmed. She nodded.

"Correct." He smirked.

"If it helps her, I'll do it." he told himself, though it was loud enough for Unohana to hear. Unohana looked at Yachiru.

"Yachiru-chan can leave tomorrow." she reported. His eyes lit up.

"Good. I want to try and make her memory come back as fast as I can." he said. They entered the room where Yachiru stayed temporarily. Kenpachi laid her down on the bed and swept away her hair. She had a happy smile on her face.

"She's changed the both of you." Unohana said.

"How?" Kenpachi asked.

"You let how you feel show more now. And Yachiru seems happier." she told him.

"I didn't make Yachiru happy?" he inquired.

"You did. But, she seems, more happy. Happy like, she has a complete family." Kenpachi nodded. It was true. Before, Yachiru only had Kenpachi. He was her only parent, so she didn't know what a mother was like. Then, Toshiko came into her life. She immediately cared for Yachiru as a mother would. When asked about it by Kenpachi, her answer was complex, yet simple. When she was a human, she had an abusive family. Her mother and father were horrible to her. The treatment caused her to make a vow, to always protect everyone. She would give her life if it meant saving another.

"I have to do it for myself. I never want to be the slightest bit like my so called family"

He could only stare at her after she told him her story. She was always happy, bubbly, always found good things in every situation. To imagine she came from a house where she couldn't be happy, safe or anything a family is, was unbelievable. He wiped away the tears that her memories brought that night. At that moment, he decided that he would try to follow her example. He would try to protect the people in his life. But, so far, he sucked at it. It seemed the more he tried, the worse people got hurt.

"You shouldn't worry so much." Kenpachi broke from his thoughts and looked at Unohana. She was reading papers, but stopped to look at him.

"Why should I?" Kenpachi said, practically spitting the words out.

"Toshiko-san hates it. She doesn't like people to worry, especially you."Unohana told him.

"I have to worry. Toshiko's practically lying in a bed dying." he spat. His words made Unohana speechless. She wanted to tell him that Toshiko wasn't dying, but she was going to if her condition didn't improve.


	5. Forget Me

_Hi everyone! To all of you who have stuck around til now, thanks. I hope that you're all enjoying the story and please, please review. Here's the story and I hope you enjoy!_

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><p>"This is home?" Yachiru asked. Onohana had let Yachiru go back to the barracks with Kenpachi. If she was around where most of her memories were generated, she would have a better chance at regaining them. Now they stood outside the barracks. Yachiru was looking up at the top of the building.<p>

"Yeah, it is..." he replied. Kenpachi opened the door and stepped inside. Yachiru had attached herself to his back once again. He was overjoyed by the action, as it meant it might trigger memories to flood back. He didn't let it show though. He remained the same Kenpachi Zaraki everyone had came to know him as. As he and Yachiru neared the office, they were met Ikkaku and Yumichika. Yachiru had became semi-shy and hid behind Kenpachi when they neared.

"I see your back taicho. Where's the kid?" Ikkaku asked.

"She's right here." he replied. Yachiru was ushered out by Kenpachi and stood against his leg, gripping the tattered bottom of the haori tightly. Yumichika bent down so he was level with her.

"Welcome back, Yachiru fukutaicho." he said. Yachiru loosened her grip on the haori slightly. She smiled and laughed.

"Your a boy! I thought you were a girl for sure!" she told him. Ikkaku burst out laughing and Kenpachi tried to hold in his laughter. Yumichika stood up and sighed. He wanted to laugh, but he also wanted to be the slightest bit pissed that he was called a girl. He sighed.

_Oh well__.__ She__ just __came __back.__I__ can__ smile__ at __some__ of__ things__ she__ says__…_

She turned her attention to Ikkaku. She looked at him for a minute then smiled.

"Your head is like a panchiko ball!" she told him. A vein popped out in Ikkaku's forehead. Yumichika started to laugh and Kenpachi smirked. Yachiru smiled cutely and climbed up Kenpachi's back.

"Let's go somewhere else!" she told him.

"Yep."

Kenpachi took her around every corner and hall in the barracks, letting her re-meet the squad members. He brought her to her bedroom. She pushed open the door and stepped inside. Toys were scattered all over the floor. Her bed was in a corner and she had stuffed plushes surround it. While she was in the Squad 4 barracks, Kenpachi had made sure her room was left alone, that way, she would be able to find memories within each item. She walked over to her bed and picked up a stuffed bunny. Kenpachi's heart skipped a beat. It was her favorite one. She slept with it every night and occasionally carried it with her around the Soul Society. She smiled and trotted back to Kenpachi.

"Hey, isn't this the cutest animal ever?" she asked him. He sighed.

"Yeah, it's cute." he said. A muffled burst of laughter came from the hall. He made his reaistu increase, causing Ikkaku to jump and stroll away.

"I remember this..." Kenpachi looked at Yachiru. She was looking around the room carefully.

"I remember playing in here. I remember sleeping in here too!" she exclaimed. Kenpachi smiled at her. Inside he was overcome with joy. She was gaining her memories back at a extremely fast pace and, maybe, she would remember him soon. Yachiru looked out the window and gasped happily

"Let's go outside!" she told him. The door to her room suddenly opened. One of the squad members stood in the doorway.

"Taicho, you have more paperwork. Should I add it to the pile on your desk?" the man asked. Kenpachi groaned. He had just remembered all the paperwork that had probably piled up while he was gone. Yachiru was watching him, hoping to still go outside. He sighed.

"Sorry Yachiru. I have work that I need to do." he told her. She frowned. Kenpachi turned to the squad member.

"Take Yachiru outside. Make sure she has fun, okay?" he said. He made his Reiastu jump, causing the member to stutter and scramble to bring Yachiru to the yard. Kenpachi entered his office and saw his paperwork. To anyone else, it was a pretty small pile. But, to him, it was like a Redwood tree had just been sliced thinly and turned into paper. He pulled out the chair and sat down. He took the first paper and looked at it. His signature was needed. He groaned.

"Why is there so much work?" he yelled. Outside, Yachiru looked up at the office window. She smiled.

"Daddy doesn't seem to like work."

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><p>"Night, Daddy..."Yachiru said, drifting off to sleep.<p>

"Night, Yachiru..." Kenpachi said back. He wasn't used to her calling him "Daddy". He liked it so much better as "Ken-chan" to be honest. Kenpachi took one last look at the sleeping child then sneaked out of the room. As he walked down the hall and out to the barracks gate, he was met by an unexpected guest.

"Um, hello Zaraki taicho." Momo said. Kenpachi was quite surprised.

"What are you doing at these barracks during the night?" he asked. She blushed.

"Um, I came back from seeing Toshiko-san and she asked me if I could go see if you were coming to see her." she told him. He nodded.

"You can go back to your barracks." he told her.

"Oh, no, I was taking a walk to try and become sleepy, so I didn't mind coming to ask you." she replied. He nodded again and started to walk with her. They were silent for a few minutes, then Kenpachi turned to her.

"Hey, um, does Toshiko ever say anything about me?" he asked awkwardly. Momo laughed.

"You're one of her favorite subjects! She loves talking about what you guys do together and what it's like at your barracks." she reported. He laughed under his breath. He didn't really talk about her unless asked. And it depended what the question was and who asked. He felt kinda bad about it. But she would never make him do something he didn't want to, so he should just go on the way he was. They soon neared the Squad 4 barracks. As Kenpachi walked toward the gate, he looked at Momo. She was waving goodbye to him and continued on the walk. He nodded at her and went on. The squad members who stood at the gate bowed to him.

"Good evening Zaraki taicho. Coming to see Suzuki-san?" one of them said. He nodded and proceeded inside. By now he learned how to get to her room and back outside without getting lost. The barracks were quieter than usual and Kenpachi found it pretty nice. He came to her doorway and looked inside. Toshiko was still awake, sitting up and drawing something. He knocked on the wall and she looked over.

"Kenpachi..." she said. Her voice carried a little farther, but was far from normal. He came inside, sat down in a chair and she set aside her project.

"What were you drawing?" he asked. She smiled.

"I draw for The Seireitei Communication, remember?" she said. Toshiko was a beautiful artist, so she drew manga series for it.

"Oh, right, your manga." he replied.

"Is Yachiru any better?" she asked.

"Well, I brought her back and she was able to remember that bunny you bought her." he told her. Toshiko's eyes lit up.

"Really? Anything else?" she asked excitedly.

"Um..., oh! She remembered that Ukitake carries all that candy with him." he reported. She laughed, then had a small cough follow. Kenpachi held onto her back as her frail body shook. She breathed out and Kenpachi helped her lay down. Her bangs covered her face once again. He chuckled.

"Honestly, these damn bangs won't stay out of your face!" he told her. She smiled warmly up at him and he laid a gentle kiss on her lips. He looked at her carefully. Her face had grown much thinner, her cheeks starting to sink in and light circles were under her eyes. Her hands were thin, being so that the bones were becoming visible. She was turning into a skeleton.

"Are you eating everyday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason..." he said, trying to play off the worry. She sighed.

"It's not their fault. My condition...is making it hard to...make the food stay in..." she told him.

"Oh..."

It became awkwardly quiet. Kenpachi looked out the window into darkness. Toshiko took a look at her frail hands. She sighed again.

"Kenpachi, you have to forget about me." He looked at her.

"What?"

"I'm not going to make it. I know it inside. You can't hang onto my passed life forever. I want you to forget about me and go on..." she said quietly. He stared at her in shock. She would always be the last person to give up on something. It could be a lost cause and she would still put her all into it. To have her give up, on her own life at that, was unbelievable. Tears slowly started to roll down her cheeks.

"I don't want to die, but what other choice do I have? I'm not getting better, I'm only getting worse. I should just accept it and spend the time I have left with my friends and family." she told him, trying to wipe away tears of defeat.

"Toshiko, even if you do...die, I can't forget about you. Your the only person I've ever felt feelings for. I'm not gonna let you leave my heart just yet." he said firmly, wiping away her tears. She smiled and then her face suddenly turned pale. Her eyes grew wide.

"Toshi-" Kenpachi started. Her eyes closed and she fell onto the bed. He sprang up and grabbed her shoulders.

"Toshiko, wake up! Wake up!" he yelled. Her eyes remained closed and he set her down onto the bed. He looked out at the door then ran out of the room. He ran down the hall and as he rounded a corner he bumped into something.

"Oww!" Isane cried, falling onto her butt. Kenpachi looked at her.

"Toshiko! Something's wrong with her!" he spilled out. Isane stood up.

"What happened?" she asked, starting to jog down the hall. Kenpachi followed her.

"We were talking and she got pale then passed out or something!" he reported. Isane nodded and entered Toshiko's room. She ran to the bed and felt for a pulse. She gasped.

"Her heartbeat has dropped dangerously low!" Isane breathed. She summoned a Hell Butterfly and sent out her message.

"Onahana taicho will be here soon.." she told Kenpachi. He walked over to the wall and leaned against it.

"Is she gonna die soon? Tell me!" he ordered. Isane sighed.

"I don't know..." After she said that, Onohana stepped into the room.

"Isane, whats wrong?" she asked.

"Toshiko's heartbeat has dropped extremely low and she has become unresponsive." Isane told her. Onohana went to Toshiko and checked her She grimaced.

"We have to move her to the emergency room. I must have nurses and myself check her over. This change is not what we expected." Onohana said. She turned to Kenpachi.

"Zaraki taicho, can you carry her?" she asked. He nodded and picked up Toshiko. The blanket that was covering her body fell to ground. Kenpachi saw the effects of her not being able to keep food down. Her legs were skeletons, her feet nothing but bone and skin. Kenpachi's knees bent slightly. He wanted to be sick at the sight of Toshiko in this state. He picked it back up and hastily covered her legs again.

"Zaraki taicho, follow me." Onohana told him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. They hurried down hall after hall and at last came to the room. She pushed open the doors and Kenpachi squinted at the bright light. Inside were many nurses, each prepping one thing or another.

"Zaraki taicho, lay her here." Onahana said. He laid Toshiko down on the bed and covered her with the blanket. Nurses came near and checked her over.

"Her breathing has become shallow!" one called.

"Heartbeat has slowed and is irregular!" another reported. Kenpachi watched as they swarmed about her. A nurse approached him.

"Z-Zaraki taicho, Onahana taicho has asked you to go home. I will lead you out." she said. He shot a look at Onahana, but her eyes were like stone. She had no smile.

"Fine..." he growled. The girl quickly led him out and hurried back inside. As he walked toward the gate, the two gate keepers stumbled out of the way. His Reiastu was high, higher than it should be. He ran in a rage but slowed his pace as he thought about what Toshiko said to him.

"_I'm __not__ going__ to__ make__ it.__I__ know__ it __can't __hang __on to __my __passed__ life__ forever.__I __want __you __to __forget __me__ and __go __on..."_

Why did she say that? Did she know she was going to die soon? He came to his barracks gate. His gate keepers bowed immediately. He went past them and entered. As he came closer to his office and Yachiru and his bedrooms, Kenpachi found it hard to stand. He leaned against the wall and put his head on it. He breathed heavily, overwhelmed by what was happening to his life.

"Taicho, are you okay?" Kenpachi looked up and saw Yumichika and Ikkaku standing there.

"No, how can I be okay these days?" he asked them. Ikkaku looked away, unsure on what to say. Yumichika sighed.

"Why are you back? Weren't you going to stay with Toshiko tonight?" Yumichika asked, trying to get off the unanswerable question.

"Toshiko…something really bad happened to her and damn Restu made me leave..." he told them. Ikkaku sat down in a chair and Yumichika nodded. Suddenly they heard a sniffle. They looked over to see Yachiru rubbing her eyes. She was crying and looked scared.

"Yachiru, what's wrong?" Kenpachi asked as she walked over to him.

"I-I had a r-really scary dream..." she sobbed. Kenpachi picked her up and held her close. He looked up at Yumichika and Ikkaku.

"I'm going to lay down. Come get me if you need to..." Kenpachi said, walking with Yachiru to his room. He closed the door and laid Yachiru on his bed. He covered her with a blanket, but she sat up.

"Daddy, are you hurt?" she asked. Kenpachi turned to her.

"No, why would you think that?" he questioned.

"My bad dream. In it you got hurt by this big Hollow and it was really scary..." she said. His eyes widened.

_Hurt __by __a__ Hollow?__ My__ accident!__ She__ remembers__ my__ accident..._

"Well there's no need to be scared. I'm not hurt, okay?" he told her. She smiled and laid down. Her eyes closed and she soon fell asleep. Kenpachi ruffled her pink hair. He was glad that she was remembering her past, but he hated that it was painful memories. He wanted her to remember only happy moments, but what could he do? At least she was getting better. Kenpachi laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He was so worried about her. What would happen if she did die? Would she be hurting while she did? He had so many questions, but no answers. He felt himself falling asleep. He hadn't slept in maybe a day or two, so he needed some sleep. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed.

_Toshiko...Please__ make __it__ through__ tonight.__I __want __to __be__ selfish __and__ have __your __last __moments __be __with __me..._


	6. Gone

_Hi guys. I want to thank people who still might be reading. I'm going to hurry and finish this story, since almost no one is reading it anymore. I'll try to write more interesting stories in the future. If anyone is reading this, I hope you enjoy..._

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><p>Kenpachi woke up after a few hours. It was dark out, but not night. He hadn't been woken up, so he had hope that maybe Toshiko had gotten better. Yachiru was still asleep, so he got up quietly and snuck out of the room. He was itching to leave and go see Toshiko. He might not be allowed to, but he didn't care. As he walked outside, he saw someone unexpected.<p>

"Restu?" he said. Unohana was walking to him. She was wearing the same Shinigami uniform as yesterday and her braid was messy. She had been up all night. As she came closer her could see her expression. It was sorrow and regret.

"No…" Kenpachi whispered. She wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry Zaraki taicho. She couldn't make it..."

At that moment, Kenpachi Zaraki's world came crashing down.

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><p>Taicho, what happened?" Ikkaku yelled. Him and Yumichika had found their taicho gone early in the morning. As they walked outside they saw Kenpachi on his hands and knees, Unohana bent down, her hand on his shoulder. They ran up to them and Unohana stood up.<p>

"What happened?" Ikkaku asked again. Unohana sighed sadly.

"Toshiko-san passed away a short while ago..." she said. Yumichika and Ikkaku's eyes widened in disbelief.

"But, she was always so strong..."Yumichika whispered.

"I'm so sorry.." Unohana said again, turning to return to her barracks. The dark sky was beginning to turn pink with the rising sun. Yumichika's eyes began to tear up and he turned so no one would see him cry.

Ikkaku was still in disbelief. He was like Kenpachi; he couldn't show his feeling easily. He gave in and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Kenpachi was still on the ground. Toshiko was gone. She had made him realize his true feelings. She had made him have a heart. She was his everything. Now, she was gone. Over the course of a few hours, she was stolen from him. His world was no longer complete.

"Toshiko..." he whispered. Kenpachi's face turned into a grieving rage.

"No! God dammit, no!" he bellowed. He fell to his knees again. Yumichika and Ikkaku approached a distraught Kenpachi.

"Taicho, come inside. It's still dark out." Yumichika said quietly. They each took one of Kenpachi's arms and helped him stand. After he was on his feet Kenpachi looked up at the pink sky. Why is the sky so peaceful when a handful of lives were just destroyed?

Kenpachi tried to swallow the lump in throat and shuffled inside. He came to where his office, his bedroom and Yachiru's rooms were. Yachiru was sitting on the floor with a blanket wrapped around her. As she sensed Kenpachi her eyes opened.

"Ken-chan, where'd you go?" she asked sleepily. Kenpachi's bleak face looked at her. He realized that Yachiru had just called him "Ken-chan" but he found it impossible to smile. He walked over to her and picked her up. She looked at him, surprised.

"You called me Ken-chan, right?" he asked. Yachiru nodded. He held her close and stroked her hair.

"What else do you remember?" he asked. Yachiru stared at his face. His eyes were dull, but they cared. His expression was blank and sad, but also happy.

"I remember you naming me, and finding you when I was a baby. I remember when we became taicho and fukutaicho of this squad. I remember you fighting Ichi and getting hurt. And I remember that Hollow that hurt you too." she told him. While she was asleep she had realized that something was wrong with Kenpachi and the memories flooded back to her. She remembered happy moments and sad moments. She remembered everything and everyone.

"Your back then. I missed you..." he told her. Inside Kenpachi was as happy as he could be, but he was also as upset as possible.

"Ken-chan what happened? You're not right." she said. Kenpachi held Yachiru closer.

"I'm sorry Yachiru. Toshiko's…gone away…That's why I'm not right..." he said quietly. Yachiru looked up at him.

"Shiko-chan's gone?" she asked in disbelief.

Kenpachi pulled her close again. Yachiru buried into him and started to cry. One more life had just been ruined. Toshiko was just like Yachiru's mother no matter how you look at it. She cared for her from their first meeting and now she was gone. The sun was now up and it cast a warm embrace on them. Kenpachi looked out at it. Toshiko loved to watch the sun every morning. Kenpachi felt himself lighten up a bit. Everything that Toshiko loved was still here, so that means she not really gone. He would get to see her again, even if it was when she was going to be buried. She would never be gone. She would always be there in one way or another.

"I was wrong, Yachiru..." he whispered. Yachiru looked up at him.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Everything that Toshiko loved is still here right? So, she's still here.." he told her. Yachiru smiled.

"Your right, Ken-chan. Shiko-chan will always be here." she whispered. Ikkaku and Yumichika smiled. They all knew the truth. She'd never leave forever. That's just not the kind of person she was.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry it took so long to update. I lost power and fell behind on writing. A few chapters til the end. If anyone's still reading, please review._

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><p>It had been a few hours since they had heard the news of Toshiko's death. Even thought Kenpachi tried to be brave, he had asked to be left alone for awhile. He was now in his office, sitting at his desk. He sat in the desk's chair and looked around his office. Pictures that Yachiru had drawn were on some of the walls and the other side of the room was her little space. It was mostly toys and coloring supplies. His desk had picture of Toshiko and Yachiru at a Sakura Festival. They were laughing and the blossoms fluttered around them. He smiled. Whenever he looked at the picture, it was as if he could hear them. It was his favorite. He leaned back in his chair and his knee hit something hard. It didn't hurt him but it surprised him. He looked to see a small drawer on his desk partway open. He sighed and tried to close it. It wouldn't go back any farther, so he checked to see what was jamming it. He pulled out the drawer and set it down. A white envelope was in it's way.<p>

_What__ the__ hell__ is __this?__ Paperwork?_

He pulled it out and looked at it's front. It had neat, cute writing on it. He knew this writing style. It was Toshiko's.

_Kenpachi_

That's what it said. He turned it over and opened it up. Inside, a crisp letter hid. He pulled it out and set down the envelope. He unfolded the paper and read it.

_Kenpachi,_

_I __may__ be __a__ writer,__ but__ that__ doesn't __mean__ I__ can __always __express __my __feelings.__ I've __known__ that__ I __was __going __to __die__ from__ the __moment__ that__ Hollow__ hit__ me.__ I'm__ terrified__ of__ dying. __It's __my__ second__ greatest__ fear. __My __greatest__ fear __is__ holding __others __back.__ When __I __die,__ don't__ let__ my__ greatest__ fear__ become_ _a __reality.__ I __don't__ want __to __hold__ back__ your__ movement __in__ life.__I__ need __you__ to__ go __on__ and __make__ Yachiru __and __everybody__ else__ feel__ like__ it's __going__ to __be __okay. __I__ love__ you__ so__ much__ and__ hope__ you__ follow__ what__ I__ ask.__Please__ don't __forget __about __me __as __a __person,__ but __don't __let __my __passed__ life __hold__ you __back.__Tell __Yachiru__ that __I__ will __miss __her __and __that __I__ love __her._

_I __love__ you__ all,_

_Toshiko_

A drop fell on the snowy paper and darkened it. Kenpachi had a tear roll down his cheek. He didn't cry when he first heard the new of her death. But, this was past his breaking point. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He was so happy that he received this letter. Even after she was gone, she would find a way to say that she loved him. But, he was also distraught. She was terrified this whole time. She didn't want to die and it scared her. She never once showed it and put on a brave face everyday.

_I__ need__ to__ be__ like__ her.__I__ need __to__ be __brave__…_

Kenpachi stood up. He walked to the doors and stepped past them. Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yachiru looked at him.

"Do you guys want to go see Toshiko?" Kenpachi asked. They stared at him for a few seconds, then nodded. They too, were putting on their brave face. Yachiru got up and climbed onto his back.

"I want to.." she said. Kenpachi nodded and started to leave. Ikkaku and Yumichika joined them. As they walked, Kenpachi thought about something Toshiko had said to him one night at the barracks.

"When I die, I want to wear a plain white kimono with a pink obi." she had told him. He laughed.

"Aren't you planning a little early?" he asked.

"Life is unpredictable. I could die tomorrow, next week or even in a hundred years. You never know..."

She had continued to tell him what the ceremony should be like. He couldn't help but smile inside as he thought about her. She really did know how to change people. She left her imprint on everyone. It wasn't a bad change or bad imprint. It was one that everyone was glad to have. That's who she was.

"Ken-chan we're here." Kenpachi came back to the present. They had reached the Squad 4 barracks and walked to it's gate. The two Shinigami at the gate bowed.

"H-Hello Zaraki taicho." they said. He nodded at them and walked past. As they walked inside the gate, they were met by Onahana.

"Zaraki taicho? What's wrong?" she asked. She didn't expect to see him come to the barracks.

"Nothing's wrong. I came here to see Toshiko." he told her. Onahana studied him. His face was different. He was deeply sad, that was easy to see. But, he was content with something at the same time. He was changed. She smiled.

"Come inside then." she said, starting to walk inside. They followed her down the halls and came to the room where Toshiko lay in a bed. Kenpachi walked inside and Yachiru peeked over his shoulder Her skin was pale and her cheeks had a small amount of color in them. She looked healthier, he face filled out instead of sunken. She looked like the same Toshiko that Kenpachi had met her as. A blanket covered her body and she looked peaceful, as if she were in just a light sleep. Kenpachi swept her ever existent bangs out of her face and laid a kiss on her lips. Her breath still had the vanilla and strawberry scent he loved. She was gone, but was doing everything to make it seem like she was there at the same time. He stepped back from her. Yachiru hopped down and sat on the bed. Her lip quivered and she wiped her eyes.

"I miss you Shiko-chan..." she whispered. Ikkaku and Yumichika stepped to the bed. Yumichika smiled and blinked fast, trying to kill his tears. Ikkaku smiled, then bit his lip to keep his at bay. Yachiru turned to Kenpachi.

"Ken-chan..." Kenpachi picked her up and hugged her. She buried herself in his chest and started to cry. He stroked her hair and kept her close. Yumichika's hand went up and wiped his eyes. Ikkaku turned his back and did the same. Kenpachi sighed sadly. No matter how brave he wanted to be, he couldn't be. He had to give into sadness and let it show. But, it couldn't take him over either. So, he was at crossroads with himself. He had to be brave, but, not be.

"C'mon. We should go..." he said quietly. They nodded and left the room. Kenpachi took one last look at his love. She was at peace and that's all he wanted right now.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys, one more chapter to go after this. For those who are still reading, I hope you enjoy.

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><p>"Are you ready?"<p>

Kenpachi sighed. Today was Toshiko's burial ceremony. He had arranged how it would go, making sure it was the way she would've wanted it. He turned to Ikkaku.

"I'm ready..."

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><p>The pink petals danced around where Toshiko's coffin sat. Inside, she laid, a white kimono with a pink obi for her clothing. Her hair fell carefully around her, her bangs blowing lightly in the breeze. Shinigami surrounded the area around it.<p>

Kenpachi had been told "sorry" at least a hundred times today. He was kinda sick of it, but they all did it out grief. All the taichos and their fukutaichos were there, along with most of their squad. Toshiko had managed to touch each of them in one way or another and so they attended to say goodbye to a friend.

Not only was it original Shinigami that came, but also those from the Human World. Ichigo, Orihime, Yourichi and Urahara had came through the Sekimon to say goodbye. Rukia had been in the Soul Society at the time, so she was the first of the group to hear.

Toshiko had once challenged Ichigo to a fight and you can say that he lost quite quickly. So, he had to come to say bye to her and to help Kenpachi. Even though Kenpachi was always trying to kill Ichigo, Ichigo felt that Kenpachi was his friend. He had to help out his friend if needed.

Orihime came because she had been in the Soul Society when Toshiko was alive and they had became friends. So, when she heard that Toshiko had died she had to come and say goodbye.

On a trip to the Human World, Toshiko had to stop at Urahara's shop. Her and Yourichi had became friends and Toshiko gave Kiskue a beating after he teased her about being a girl and being in Squad 11. So, they both came. Now, everybody was going up to say goodbye to a dear friend that Toshiko had managed to be. Several women Shinigami were crying. Yachiru managed not to until she went up to say goodbye. She stared to sob and ran to Kenpachi. He patted her back until it was his turn. He wanted to be the last one say goodbye to her. Everybody watched as he went up. He held her cold hand.

"Toshiko, I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'll try to do as you want, and go forward. I love you..." he whispered. He laid a kiss on her forehead but then felt something tighten on his hand. He reeled back. Did she just squeeze his hand? No, that was impossible. But, it was as if he could feel her Reiastu. No, he was imagining it. He looked over her. Was she breathing? No, she can't be...

_Get__ yourself __together__ Zaraki..._

Kenpachi felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Onahana.

"Zaraki taicho, is everything okay?" she questioned

"Restu, does it feel like Toshiko's here right now?" he asked her. She was surprised, then smiled.

"I felt the same way. I guess it because we're just remembering her." she told him.

"No, look at her." he said. She looked at him weirdly, then looked. Her eyes widened.

"Oh my God. No, it can't be..." she gasped. Kenpachi looked down at Toshiko.

"Toshiko, if you can hear me, Do something..."

Kenpachi felt his hand squeezed and then heard a groan. He watched in disbelief as her eyes slowly opened. Her brown eyes had more life in them then Kenpachi had seen for awhile. She smiled at him.

"Kenpachi..." she whispered. A huge grin spread across his face and he hugged her.

"She's alive! She's back!" Kenpachi called out. Shinigami rose from their seats to see if it was true. Smiles crossed their faces.

"Shiko-chan!" Yachiru called. She ran to her and was brought into a hug.

"You remember Yachiru! You remember..." she breathed. Kenpachi turned to Onahana.

"How? You said she died!" he said.

"I think I know. Her heartbeat fell low, but it didn't stop. She simply fell into a long sleep that replenished her body and made it seem like she had died." she told him. He nodded and turned back to Toshiko. She was smiling and laughing, full of life. Kenpachi wrapped his arms around her and picked up from the coffin. He swung her around and let her stand. Her legs were very shaky, as she had been laying around ever since she was injured. She leaned against him for support and laughed at her clumsiness. She stretched out and groaned loudly before breaking into laughter again. Now, most people were crying. It was out of sheer happiness and surprise. Toshiko had started to cry as well. She was sure that she was going to die, so she was overjoyed that she could continue living. She had started to stumble over to friends who were frozen in happiness and shock. As they received a warm hug from her, they melted into belief of her being alive. She walked back over to Kenpachi and smiled at him. He grabbed her and brought her into a kiss. After he pulled away, Toshiko was blushing and everyone had broke into cheers and applause. Yachiru had run up to them and was being hugged by Toshiko yet again. Kenpachi looked out over the scene. This was the happiest that Kenpachi had ever seen anyone. Head Captain Yamamoto had smiled and even laughed under his breath.

"Kenpachi?"

Kenpachi came back to reality and looked at Toshiko.

"What?"

"Where's my Zanpaktou?" she asked. As she smiled devilishly, Kenpachi caught on. Ichigo was here and she had grown to like beating him up. Kenpachi grabbed her Zanpaktou and handed it off. Ichigo saw that the moment it happened. His eyes grew wide and he slowly started to back away.

"Oh, Ichigo! Don't run away from me!" she called. Ichigo had broken into a full out Shinigami sprint and Toshiko laughed as she stood and watched him. She smiled up at Kenpachi again and kissed him. She gasped when she was interrupted by a loud, obnoxious stomach growl. The Shinigami laughed and gathered around as they started to eat the food that had been laid out in front of her coffin. There was a lot of food, so nobody went without a overly full plate. Toshiko essentially hadn't eaten for quite some time, so she enjoyed the food. Her faces of pleasure from the fresh food made some people laugh. Bottles of sake had started to make their way around and it made the meal complete. You could of came to the site and think it was just a party instead of funeral. It had been so dreary and sad when the morning had started and by the afternoon it was lively and joyful. Everyone was surrounded by friends and no one was left out. Toshiko had managed to bring everyone together. Kenpachi smiled.

_She __really __is __amazing..._


End file.
